Oh man. I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant. Those 2 little pink lines represented the great (terrifying) unknown; they also heralded an abrupt end to drinking whiskey on the rocks, eating raw oysters, having a social life, wearing size 26 jeans….
Ok Nikita, relax. No need to get bent out of shape yet. It’s a just a crappy pee test. This could be a false positive. Go to a doctor and get a blood test.
Well, surprise surprise, the doctor confirmed what my gigantic achy boobs already knew.
(Word to the wise: evidently there are only false-negatives… False-positives in the world of pregnancy tests do not actually exist.)
I was 6 weeks pregnant and I had no clue what to do with myself. So, being your quintessential Virgo, I decided to google the shit out of all things pregnancy. I was going to combat my fear with knowledge and make myself into a child bearing connoisseur. Well didn’t that plan come back and bite me in the ass – THAT SHIT WAS HORRIFYING!
24/7 nausea, Kim Kardashianesque weight gain, crippling back pain, feet growing up to a full size and a half (sometimes. fucking. permanently.) – The internet had me expecting 9 months of hell – which is exactly the opposite of what I got.
Yep, that’s right, I had a great pregnancy! Yes, those exist! After everything I read, I didn’t even know great pregnancies were a possibility; which is exactly what has prompted me to write this post and the short series to come.
This is for anyone considering bringing life into this world. Maybe you’re deciding whether to start trying or maybe you just found out that your chosen method of birth control has let you down. Wherever you are in your journey, I just hope that you found yourself here before you checked out Google images for “pregnancy stretch marks” and decided that this shit is not for you.
Ladies, most of the internet is going to scare the crap out of you, but just remember, pleasant stories with happy endings rarely make headlines. That being said, I have a theory: I think a lot of pregnancies are happy and wonderful but those of us who have had them are so afraid of the cut eye we’ll get from the women with horror stories, we just take our babies home and shut the fuck up…
But since I never shut the fuck up, I’m going to try to balance the scales in terms of web content for new/expectant moms. Consider me the yin to Wikipedia’s yang and just relax because I’m here to tell you, it’s actually not that bad.
Stay tuned for upcoming posts:
THE FIRST TRIMESTER: It’s actually not that bad (part 1)
THE SECOND TRIMESTER: It’s actually not that bad (part 2)
THE THIRD TRIMESTER: It’s actually not that bad (part 3)
LABOUR AND DELIVERY: So it ended in an emergency c section… It’s actually not that bad (part 4)