THE FIRST TRIMESTER: It’s actually not that bad. (Part 1)

If you enjoy frequent trips to the bathroom, long naps and lying to your friends and family, then this is the trimester for you! That being said, here’s a fun fact nobody tells you: by the time you’ve found out that you’re pregnant, you’ve already survived half of your first trimester! Congratulations! See? Piece of cake.

At this stage I had 2 major complaints: (1) my tits were ridiculously huge and (2) I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. I know some bartenders who have the exact same issues… So really… Not that bad. I feel that it is import that I tell you that throughout my first 3 months as a pregnant lady, I never threw up once, never had any food aversions, never craved anything weird, and never got one hormone-induced pimple (pregnancy acne was probably my #1 fear at this point. Yes, I’m vain. But whatever.).

I did, however feel tres bloated, but I personally accept most of the blame for that. You see, at some point in my research, I read that women should consume an extra 300 calories a day during pregnancy, so I thought: AWESOME, I will replace my lunch salad with a lunch sandwich and the bread will account for those 300 calories. Pregnancy fail número uno. That damn bread caused me to gain 10lbs so bloody fast that by the time I read another article that said you should consume 300 extra calories AFTER your first trimester, I already thought my life was over and that this baby was going to make me fat FOR LIFE. But really, this ended up being the wakeup call I needed to remind me that the next few months would be the hardest physical challenge of my life and I needed to treat it as such. So I ditched the bread, ramped up the health food, and made a vow to stick to my yoga practice and my long walks – in the end, this new outlook on pregnancy saved my ass (and my sanity, and my abs, and my thighs – hallelujah!).

Other than that, I remember being taken aback by the amount of doctors visits I had to attend. Doctors visits are annoying. They’re annoying when you’re not pregnant and they’re annoying when you are. In my first trimester I was at the doctor more times than in my whole life combined. But I can pee on command (you walk into the office and you’re basically greeted with a smile and a stick to pee on… Don’t worry, this becomes strangely very normal very quickly), I also don’t mind getting blood work done (which you do so much throughout your pregnancy that if it bothers you at the beginning, it certainly won’t by the end), and there’s an added bonus of getting to hear your tiny alien’s heartbeat at every visit (another bizarre thing that becomes very normal very quickly).

Now, as you may or may not already know about me, I am the worst liar ever, so aside from all the damn doctors appointments, not being able to tell people about my pregnancy was probably the most annoying part about the first trimester. My boyfriend is a bad liar too, but he’s an even worse secret keeper, so he ran around telling everyone who would listen about the baby from the moment the second line appeared on the pee test (luckily when he told people, he followed up quickly with “DON’T TELL NIKITA I TOLD YOU!”, because he knew I would have lost my shit had I known that he was spilling the beans all over town). But as for me, I just told everyone I was on a liver cleanse as I graciously turned down the offers for what felt like 1 million drinks until the day came that I was finally allowed to awkwardly blurt out the truth that I was, indeed pregnant.

So there you have it. I made it out of the first trimester unscathed… Tired as hell, a little grumpy, a little bored of deceiving people, but still wearing my skinny jeans. As I’ve said before (and I’ll say again), it actually wasn’t that bad!

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👆This was me 3 weeks before the end of my first trimester. I was on my way to a wedding (where I have never declined so many cocktails IN MY LIFE!). I do not know how I remained awake and dancing the whole night long but I DID. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that women are superheroes.

*Please note that voluminous skirts hide early pregnancy bloating extremely well.

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