MAKE FRIENDS. DOCTOR’S ORDERS.

Last week my son had his one-year-old big boy check up at the pediatrician’s office.  Just as I suspected, he’s perfect (duh!) – but as we were preparing to get the heck out of the snotty-nose-kid building, his doctor turns to me and says, “How is he doing socially? Does he have any friends his age?”  Shit.  No.  Most of his best buds are closer to the 30 year mark.  “um, not exactly, but I have been looking into play groups to take him to once the weather gets a bit better!” *lie*

GODDAMNIT! This is the moment I have been fearing.  Baby has to socialize… which means mommy has to socialize… which makes mommy want to call her non-mommy friends to make plans for emergency cocktails in an effort to relieve some of the anxiety that comes up at just the thought of having to pick up new mommy friends at Mommy & Me!

This is basically like dating again.  Or being the new kid at school.  But worse.  Because parents are crazy and they scare the crap out of me.

The irony is that not long ago, I was a friend-making machine.  A bonified social butterfly whose network of friends expanded every weekend (Lightbulb! Maybe these play-groups should offer adult beverages to help parents get their socializing on!) – but now, Drake’s ‘No New Friends’ policy looks pretty good to me.  Sadly, that’s no longer an option… Doctor’s orders.

So off I go to pick up some moms, even though I’m not so sure that I still got game. Oh, please, just let me meet a cool one.  A non-helicopter, non-tigermom type who doesn’t frown down upon letting their kid stay in PJs all day every now and then.  Someone who speaks as freely about meltdowns as she does about developmental milestones.  Someone who swears.  Someone who enjoys long walks to the park and copious amounts of coffee.

And for the love of God, when I do meet my dream mom-friend, please don’t let my kid bite her kid.

How did you navigate the awkward world of mom-courting when you socialized your little ones?  Share your success stories, tips, or hilarious tales of disaster so we can all laugh/cry together.

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