It wasn’t long ago that on any given day you would find me draped in dry-clean-only silk blouses, out for dinner three nights a week, and meeting friends for impromptu cocktails at 11:30 on a Tuesday night.  Ah the days of complete freedom and zero real obligations.  How blissfully ignorant I was of what it really meant to have a child – and while I look back fondly on the fun/crazy Nikita of days past, I can’t help but cringe at some of the things I know for a fact came out of my mouth pre-parenthood.

childless a-hole

Which brings us to this post: I have decided to use it as a way for my old-self to publicly apologize to my current-self in a bid to ensure that my current-self thinks before she speaks on topics about which she knows jack shit.  So here it goes.  I hereby openly apologize for saying all of the following things when I was a childless asshole:

“I can’t believe I just slept for 12 hours; I must have really been exhausted.”

“Who the hell makes dinner reservations for 6:30pm?”

“Ew – Sweatpants.”

“Sorry we kept your kid up past his bedtime; at least he will sleep in tomorrow.”

“These heels are super comfy.”

“Everyone needs to chill with the *schedules*.  When I have a baby, it’s going to be on MY schedule.”

“What is that kid doing at this restaurant?”

“It’s early – It’s only midnight”

“What kind of parent has to get a leash for their kid?”

“I’m totally never having kids.”

childless ahole2

Perhaps karma went to work with that last one – and while I wish I had a time machine and I could go back and tell my old self to shut the hell up, all I can do now is be grateful for the 20/20 view hindsight has given me.  Was I a douchey 20-something-year-old at one point?  Yeah, I guess I kinda was.  But now I’m the girl sitting beside you at the cool new dinner spot at 6pm, yawning as I eat my words from days past… And I have to say, I’m really happy to be here.