Being a mom is no easy job. It’s often dirty, usually unglamorous, and things rarely go according to plan… Except on Instagram, that is. There, you can be as shiny/clean/organized/wistful/ethereal/fashionable as you damn well please. As an Instagram curator (if you follow The Rebel Mama on Instagram, then you know I pride myself on compiling the most visually appealing gallery of cool Instamoms from around the world – often accompanied by demystifying captions), I know a thing or two about Momstagram accounts because I creep the hell out of them during all televised sporting events (and there are A LOT of those playing in my house). After careful observation, I’ve compiled a short list of ways in which you too can trick people into thinking you have your parental shit together by creating a deceptively badass Momstagram account. Get your notepads ready… 10k followers, here you come!
Paint your whole life white so you can maximize on negative space for your feed. Doing so will also deliver a subliminal message saying, “don’t worry; we’ve got this ‘life’ stuff totally under control!”
Live on a beach and take all your photos at magic hour. Make sure to mention in your photo captions that your children only eat food that has been picked from the trees within a 20km radius of your house and talk frequently about your children’s love of vegetables.
Be a fairy mama, live in the forest, and make everything you do look whimsical. Put flowers in your hair (and if you’re really committed, throw some in your kids’ hair too) because it really amps up the whole mother/Mother Earth dichotomy.
Dress your child in such a way that it appears as though she either just walked out of the early 1940’s or an All Saints commercial.
Write long, beautiful narratives to caption photos of mundane daily occurrences. Doing so will lead to an almost cult-like following of women who also aspire to believe that there is poetry to be found in the muddy footprints of children and dogs running through the house after an afternoon of exploring the forest in the rain.
Have friendly-looking children (don’t worry, you really only need them to look friendly for long enough to snap a photo).
On a similar note, ALWAYS make sure to take multiple photos before picking the one in which your house, your kids, and their carefully styled clothes look as close to perfection as possible.
Have a mom-friend whose style totally compliments your style and hang out with said friend A LOT (your kids should be friends too and you should all be extremely photogenic).
Be really really rich (quite possibly through marriage) and take photos with backdrops like castles, villas, or just in your own gold plated bathroom.
Dress your offspring just like you and take lots of #twinning photos – you should both be sporting designer duds (but like, cool underground designer, not cheesy overdone designer like Burberry and Gucci).
Travel often with your brood. Make sure that said travel looks effortless by taking photos during the 3 minutes for which your kid passed out on the plane. Tag your photos with things like #myangel and #luckymama to really drive the point home.
And there you have it! There are so many ways in which you can use your Instagram presence to make it appear as though all of your days are filled with sunshine, lollypops and rainbows. The tricky part is deciding which route to pick – shall I pack up and more to a remote village and be an earth mama? Is a beach setting more my vibe? Should I stay in the city and turn my life into a Benjamin Moore ‘Simply White’ commercial? The possibilities are endless and once you decide on one, run with it! People will be thinking you have your shit together in no time.
*featured image via Instagram @sarah_phoenix*