You know the one.

Her shit don’t stink and her offspring is an ethereal, miracle, genius-baby that does the family taxes.

She crowned herself the authority on all things motherhood, and became a child specialist overnight.

The problem? She’s now on the other end of your phone/beside you on the couch, preaching her sleep-training methods and practically handing you a pen to sign a legal document promising you’ll do the same.

Newsflash: Having a baby doesn’t miraculously make you the smartest person in the world, and also – no-one cares that you make your own organic goat’s milk formula.

The reason why this is all particularly lame is because there’s a slight chance that in your dazed and confused first few months on the job, you may take her seriously and feel like a shitty mom for not being equally as coordinated.

Well I am here to call bullshit. In my *oh so humble* opinion, I think these ladies are tending to their own deeply hidden insecurities by bigging themselves up so earnestly in your presence.

I promise, they deal with non-Instagram-worthy daily drama and they probably sob in the bathroom in the middle of the afternoon, just like you do. Just like we all do.

Being a mother is more than just a job, it’s a whole universe-sized journey that can get overwhelming at times (a lot of times) and humble-bragging about how you breastfed for three years and everyone needs to do the same, doesn’t really help anybody, now does it?

So my point here is this: If you ARE that mama, who maybe sometimes (likely subconsciously) goes on and on and on and on about how impeccable your motherhood experience has been, and how rare and sacred your child is, think about being on the receiving end of that convo and how utterly annoying (and un-relatable) that shit is.

Needless to say, not all moms – like many of those I know – want to spend an entire afternoon discussing nap schedules and poo consistency. I promise, there are more interesting things happening in the world. Besides, who cares about comparing who does it better? We’re ALL doing it right because we’re all doing it to the best of our ability. 

So what to do in this conundrum, when said Supreme All Holy Mama parks herself across from you and unloads her unsolicited wisdom? Smile, nod, say “yeah, we’re good; don’t worry,” and do whatever the fuck you want anyway.

But remember, and this is a tricky one, be kind to her too – because all that glory-talk is coming from a void that needs to be filled, so help a sister out. Steer her in the right direction; she may be thankful one day. 

Maybe, just maybe, she’s waiting for someone to call her out and give her the opportunity to unleash her own truth… and everyone deserves that chance.

Mostly though, remember that you must always remain true to yourself.
Always do you.

You are an incredible and irreplaceable mother, who lives and loves fearlessly every single day. And nothing can touch that.

x A


Featured Image: Self Service Magazine, 2017

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