I’M STILL REALLY COOL

Do you feel old? Age is strange; you always feel the same (it’s still me in here guys!) and yet the world seems to slowly transition around you. The landscape begins to tilt somewhere in your early 30’s where cool music is no longer that cool and fashion feels like a language you once knew…

GUILT TRIP

A scenario: Your three-year-old is acting like a crazy and completely intolerable human being, dishing out physical and mental abuse at every opportunity, and being whinier than a Beyoncé song (sorry, had to). You reach your max and officially have zero fucks left to give by 7pm. The final straw? He throws a converter at…

WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THAT DAMN LAUNDRY

I fondly recall a time in my life when a regular sized bottle of laundry detergent would last me an entire calendar year. Now? Dude. I’m flying through detergent as fast as Puff Daddy flies through Ciroc at an Ibizan yacht party. Where the fuck does it all even come from? It’s a question I’ve…

RAISING THE (FEMALE) FUTURE

Confession: I secretly Insta-follow this one friend of a friend (‘secretly’ meaning I don’t officially follow her, but will look her up every day to see what fabulous shit she did the night before). The kicker? I don’t even like this broad. She’s actually a mean person. I once overheard her at a party call…

GOOD MORNING

I hear my name. It’s early and I shudder. I look at the clock and instantly regret the decision to stay up late writing. The yells get louder as I scramble to haul on a top. (See, whenever I rush into his room topless, I have to field about 800 questions about boobies, which inevitably…

DEAR ANXIETY

Dear Anxiety, I wasn’t expecting to see you, nor your more elusive sidekick, O.C.D. – but alas, here we are. Considering the “Baby Blues” I suffered through during my first trimester, I was prepared for hormones to deliver a classic case of PPD following the birth of our Dear Otis. Instead, my postpartum infliction has…

THE COMFORT OF HOME

Ask any mama, and she will tell you when she had her baby one of the most important things was that she did it in a place where she felt safe. A place where she felt supported, where her voice was heard and respected, where the people there cared about her well being both physically…

CRY THAT SHIT OUT (IF YOU WANT)

Let me begin by declaring that I have zero intention of actually participating in this stupid debate.  Whether or not you decide to sleep train your kids is not my problem and I thank God for that everyday because I’ve got my own fucking problems.  All I can speak to is my own experience. For…

MY MOM GUILT STORY

I’ve always found that the best way to rid the mind and soul of the bone-crushing weight of mom-guilt is to set your dirty little secret free. Free yourself from the responsibility of keeping that shame bottled up inside. Tell the world what you did that makes you CRINGE and then be done with it;…

TAKE YOUR REPORT CARDS AND SHOVE ‘EM

My child is a round peg in a square hole. He is not the least bit interested in conformity. He is quirky and hilarious and incredibly bright and every single year he gets horrible grades on his report card. Let me explain. My son is going into grade four so by no means is this…