REBEL MAMA RESUMÉ

OBJECTIVE: To keep everyone happy and fucking quiet SKILLS: Diplomacy. All of the diplomacy. FLUENT IN MULTIPLE LANGUAGES INCLUDING GRUMBLING & “NINJA ALIEN” LEVEL 10 MULTITASKING & PROBLEM SOLVING. HARD CORE EFFICIENCY. HIGH TOLERANCE FOR: EXCRUCIATING SCREAMS, PROLONGED TORTURE-LEVEL WHINING, AND SMALL-TOY INJURIES. Able to locate good wine (and a sativa pen) in a hurry….

MOM BRAIN

Oh, you didn’t know it was a scientific term? Well, it isn’t. BUT IT SHOULD BE. As you may already know (or will shortly find out), you don’t only lose your marbles while pregnant… as it turns out, even years after bringing baby into the world, you still somehow manage to forget where you left…