FILTHY TURKEY

I’ve had the same best friends since grade 9.  The three of us have maintained a tight bond; following one another through high school and university and now living within an hour of one another.  It’s a tight little family we have created with love and determination. One thing I have been lucky to learn…

ERRR, WHO EVEN AM I ANYMORE?

Yesterday Otis and I got up early and went for a walk and travelled to the market. My husband came home to a wife wearing an actual outfit with sexy underwear, makeup and straightened hair. My eyebrows were plucked, teeth flossed and nails were polished. There was dinner in the oven, a sliced up baguette…

THE DOG DAYS ARE OVER

I’m sorry I don’t love you as much as I used to. Only a year ago you were my favourite. I looked forward to seeing you in the morning and holding you at night as we fell asleep. Although we still sleep under the same roof, in the same bed, we both know things have…

DEAR AMANDA

Dear Amanda, We have never met and probably never will. This note to the ex-girlfriend thing has been done before – it’s tired and unoriginal – regardless, I had to write to you. Today while my baby napped, my husband and I slow danced in our kitchen to Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You.” While we…

FAT MOM

I have this distinct memory of my mother putting on pantyhose. It wasn’t like the women in the movies; slow, smooth and sensual. It was awkward and cumbersome. She would sit on the bed, with one thigh on the mattress, supporting her weight as she wrangled her other leg into a scrunched up elastic foot,…

MISSED CONNECTIONS

We were at the mom’s group in the junction. You were a plump red head with curly hair and pale skin. You were nursing your toddler with confidence and ease. I was an equally plump brunette with frizzy hair, running mascara, and lipstick on my teeth. I had baby vomit on my pilled black cotton…

NO. 2

Erica: “I mean, I would describe it on a sliding scale between chartreuse and cognac” Dr. H: “I’m a pediatrician, I don’t know what that means. Is his poop green or brown?” Erica: “Oh sorry. Yes; orangey, brownish green” Feces. Shit. Number Two. Aside from birth and death, defecation is one of the main functions…

TMI – TOO MUCH INSECURITY?

Rebel OG Nikita wrote an amazing article on acronyms that made my heart flutter with pride and hope for the future. It also reminded me of a particular acronym that I would really like to highlight and murder. TMI. TMI. TMI. For those still trying to decipher the mom codes, it means “too much information”. When…

I’M STILL REALLY COOL

Do you feel old? Age is strange; you always feel the same (it’s still me in here guys!) and yet the world seems to slowly transition around you. The landscape begins to tilt somewhere in your early 30’s where cool music is no longer that cool and fashion feels like a language you once knew…