MISSED CONNECTIONS

We were at the mom’s group in the junction. You were a plump red head with curly hair and pale skin. You were nursing your toddler with confidence and ease. I was an equally plump brunette with frizzy hair, running mascara, and lipstick on my teeth. I had baby vomit on my pilled black cotton…

WOMEN + WEED

Before you get all excited, you should know that this is not an opinion piece. We’re not writing to tell you how much we love weed. We’re not here to say that marijuana is the only thing that (safely) removes us from the overstuffed Rolodex that is our-brains-on-kids for long enough to actually chill when…

THINGS TO APPRECIATE WHILE YOUR KIDS ARE STILL YOUNG

By Melissa Hopper The first few years of parenthood can be tough. Little sleep, less patience, plus loads of dirty diapers and tears? Of course we sometimes daydream about the not-so-distant future. Imagine how awesome it’ll be when our kids can tie their own shoes and wipe their own butts?  Le sigh. But guess what?…

REBEL MAMA REAL TALK PT.4

Us mamas deal with a lot of bullshit – that much we know is true. And if there’s one thing that helps us get through it all (pseudo) alive, it’s a kick ass sense of humour (and coffee, ok and wine, alright and sometimes a Belmont or two). But through unfiltered sarcasm, wit and laughter,…

A HEARTY THANK YOU

Well, kids – we did it. We submitted the completed manuscript of our book to our publisher last week, and you know what? WE ARE PROUD AS SHIT OF IT! It is exactly what we had hoped it would be. It is a girlfriend’s guide to early motherhood. It’s all the stuff your mom and…

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS IS HORSESHIT

As I sit here, at 6:00pm, gazing out my window into the pitch black veil of night, I can’t fight the desire to track down the jackass who first dreamed up the concept of daylight savings and punch him right in the throat. I realize that in order to do that, I’d have to conjure…

PATIENCE IS A (MOTHERS?) VIRTUE

Is it just me, or are some guys, like, one thousand percent less patient with their kids – specifically of the three-year-old variety – than their female partners in procreation? Without sounding like an ungrateful witch (because I do, in fact, appreciate my husband who happens to be extremely patient with me….) or coming off…

WHAT MOM COLD?

Ladies, I would like to explore a severely undervalued skill that mothers have been secretly-not-so-secretly toting since babies were a thing, so basically, forever: working the mom cold.   Having been fully immersed in said phenomena for approximately 3 glorious weeks, I thought, ‘hmmm, this pattern looks awfully familiar….perhaps mom colds are actually a thing!’…

CHECKED OUT IN CALI

Of course I could have included my 3.5 year old son on this fairly last minute trip to California but why? Why? When I could sit peacefully on a five hour flight, watch a movie, drink wine, be productive as fuck with work, and take a magnificent and uninterrupted nap. Why? When I could check…

REGRETTING YOUR KIDS

It’s a hot topic these days with equal parts excitement that someone finally said something about this ultimate-taboo subject and (of course) mommy-shaming for daring to mention publicly, dare I even write it, regretting having your children. So, I’m here to bare all and fess up that I have regretted having my daughter for the last year…

DR. BEAUTIFUL AND THE EXTREMELY POWERFUL VAGINA

I yanked the keys out of my pocket and pulled the stroller up the front steps. I took a moment to pause and take a deep breath. Don’t pee your pants, don’t pee your pants. I tried to picture something unrelated to my bladder. Mountains, my father’s face, smoked salmon, a trickling brook – oh…

TO THE RUNNER OF SHIT

To the photo taker, The memory maker; The kisser of boo-boos, And The fretter about poo-poos.   To The planner, The baker, The temperature-taker; The yeller, The cryer, The        “Cos I said so, that’s why”                                  …