You know, I wasn’t gonna go there and post a rant about how I would like everyone to kindly STFU and mind their own business… But I will.
Alright, I’ll attempt to take a “softer” stab at it
The thing is, my guy & I were never the couple that was planning for a big family in a newly developed neighbourhood with a two car garage. We literally got together while we were throwing parties (our *job* at the time) and that’s how our life organically rolled out. One party at a time.
Our calendars were filled with social events, parties, travel plans and all kinds of interesting things with interesting people. Naturally, we weren’t too eager to toss in the towel. Even just the thought of ONE baby was a decision we came to after lots of talks and it basically boiled down to, “Let’s try. If it works out, we have a kid. If it doesn’t, we tried and we move on.” No pressure.
Turns out I’m fertile as fuck and got knocked up on the first go of being scandalously unsafe. Nine months later, we welcomed our boy Oscar and it’s been a whirlwind of many ups and a few downs in between. Although motherhood didn’t start out as an easy adjustment for me, with time I became comfortable in my new mama skin and found my own way to raise this little man of mine. And now we feel complete.
Except for when people (friends, family, STRANGERS) candidly drop their opinions at our feet like a FedEx package. (It’s almost worse than the first time around; as if it’s a well known obligation!)
“You can’t just have one!” they gasp.
“He’s going to be weird. Only children are weird.”
“Who is he going to play with? Who will he have when you’re gone?”
“That’s selfish. You’re only thinking of yourself!”
“It’ll be harder for you later…”
I hear you, but STEP OFF.
(This is coming from someone who HAS a sibling and loves her very much)
Is it not enough that mothers feel guilt for literally anything and everything already? Why add to the pile? Hell, I feel guilty when I go to work and miss out on an afternoon of hanging with my boy. Don’t make it miserable for me with added anxiety.
Hearing about what I should and shouldn’t do just makes me feel shitty, and in most cases resentful too. So what’s the point? Shouldn’t we be more invested in making sure every mother feels supported, whether they have one child or five? A mother is a mother is a mother.
For now, for us, three is the magic number where we feel comfortable and can manage; and although it’s not by blood, we are also lucky enough to have some amazing friends who ARE family and our kids are already growing up together.
As parents we question our decisions regardless, so I suppose it comes down to acceptance, sticking to your guns and not letting folks get the best of you. Sure it’s frustrating to have to battle it out on the regular, but I’m more interested in loving myself and my family so I’ll go ahead and build a “screw your bullshit” shield around us for the time being and focus on more important things.
For those that unintentionally pose those questions (I know you do it from a good place MOM), just think of how your words may affect someone and potentially add doubt to their life or (worse) make them do something they don’t want to just to make those around them happy.
And you know what? When I want your advice on going from one to two, I promise, I’ll ask.
Until then, ZIP IT. Zip it good.
And Now For Some Awesome Reasons to Have One Child:
– It’s about $250,000 cheaper than having two
– You can fit in one row on a plane
– You don’t have to go to a Disney All Inclusive
– You won’t have to waddle through another pregnancy
– Or sleep train
– Your kid may become more independent
– And get into enjoying alone time (paramount!)
– Plus they can choose their own family (winning)
– You won’t need a school bus sized car to get around
– You can stay in your downtown row house like a boss
– You’ll undoubtedly be more productive in life / work
– You won’t spend the day breaking up fights, resulting in more sanity
– And have more time for sex (like fun sex, not the reproductive kind)
– You can always be really present, cause there’s noone else busting in like KoolAid
– You can retain some sort of calm in your life
– And on the flip side, embrace your inner child and join the adventure
In summary – less negative vibes, more positive vibes.
Let’s stop breaking balls and get back to life.
xx A
Thank you for this. I am an only child and I have an only child. I can’t begin to explain all the ways I relate to this. Well said mama. ??
It feels like I wrote it myself! We’re also one and done and couldn’t be happier. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, definitely well written and love your honesty and “zip it” et all at the end. My ex husband and I had one child together my son who is 26 yo. I am the huge beneficiary of having his daughter, Mollie, from his first marriage, in my life still. She is a wonderful daughter I was truly blessed. And … she is now a Mom who is homeschooling her son and doing splendidly at it. I wish, and have often said to her, that I could be her daughter and enjoy all the experiences and learning opportunities that Max is enjoying. Kudos to you and your husband! Stick to your guns; you know what is best for you son and family.
Reblogged this on gorge mess.
I’m an only child and I turned out great! I also prefer to have only one child (unless I have twins 😀 )
Don’t let anyone phase you or guilt you into having more children. I’m sure your son is quite happy to have mum and dad all to himself. 🙂