Confession: We’re kinda, sorta, a little, tiny bit obsessed with Stacey Green.

And honestly, who wouldn’t be? 

She’s a Holistic Nutritionist and Healthy Living Strategist who, against all odds, never illicits a single eyeroll, nor does she chime into every conversation with: “I can’t even tell you how important a good probiotic is for overall gut health,” and “You know, the earlier you instill a love of leafy greens, the better the chance that he won’t turn out to be a total fucking psychopath.”

I consider her to be a sort of a health industry unicorn and I think it’s imperative that you all get to know her, because guess what? SHE’S OUR NEWEST CONTRIBUTOR!

I’d love to tell you all about her, but honestly, nobody can sum her up better than, well, HER. 

ABOUT: STACEY GREEN

BY:STACEY GREEN

I feel like I’m filling out a dating application…

Here’s the down and dirty truth:

I love superhero movies and vampire books. I have seen every possible franchise and can quote them all. Same thing with vampire books – Twilight, True Blood, Anita Blake and everything Anne Rice. I secretly-not-so-secretly want to be a vampire. Live forever and look amazing doing it? Sign me up.

I write myself inspirational messages on sticky notes and leave them all over the house. You never know when you need to be reminded not to sweat the small stuff or that you really are amazing, you know?

I love salads that you can eat with a spoon. The kind of salads where every ingredient is uniformly chopped and you get a little bit of everything in each bite. Lettuce and I have a lukewarm relationship.

I am exceptionally tall. 6’2? kind of tall. It is extremely difficult to find cute clothes that fit. Because of this, 3/4 of my closet is filled with dresses that are worn as t-shirts and jeans rolled to become capri pants. Don’t feel bad for me though. I will never lose you in a crowd and can always reach things on the top shelf. Always.

I could roll around in a giant pile of puppies and live there forever. I love animals. I feel like my home isn’t complete without them. I currently have 2 dogs and 2 super cute kittens.

In addition to that, I always give my pets human names. I feel like they are a part of the family and need to be named accordingly. I wouldn’t name my daughter Patches, now would I? Maybe I would…it does have a uniqueness about it. Although, finding anything monogrammed would be a nightmare!

I spent the last 10 years of my life working with teens with learning disabilities before going back to school to become a Registered Holistic Nutritionist. I loved all of the kids I worked with and learned far more from them than they did from me.

I am mom to a handsome 7-year-old boy and often feel like I was put on this earth to hide as many vegetables in his food as humanly possible. He’ll thank me later.

My partner is Italian and would eat pasta 3 times a day if it was socially acceptable. Because of this I have had to become quite crafty in the kitchen. I am now a 4th level sugo master. No joke.

I like to think of myself as quite funny. It’s all about the timing. I’m pretty sure I got my humour from my parents. Speaking of parents, both of mine passed away from cancer. Whoa, talk about a segue!  – My mom died of breast cancer when I was 14 and my dad, of lung cancer when I was 32. Their heroic but ultimately fatal battles with the big C are a big part of the reason that health is so important to me.

God, we love her. 

Stacey’s first post goes live tomorrow morning. It’s unapologetically honest, it’s totally hilarious, and it’s wonderfully reassuring that you’re not the only one who friggin’ HATES packing lunch for your kids…

Mark it in you calendar – This is not one you want to miss!

Keep up with Stacey!

Check out her WEBSITE.

Follow her on INSTAGRAM.

Like her on FACEBOOK.

Follow her on TWITTER.