I have to be honest with you… Sometimes having a kid (or multiple kids, I’d imagine) blows. Yeah I said it.
There are mornings when you look at your clock and the numbers 5:30 stare back at you and say mockingly, “hey, you signed up for this” – which makes you wish for a brief moment that you could go back in time and read the fine print on the baby contract before agreeing to be responsible for another human’s well being for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
There are days when $6 organic strawberries get launched at your crisp white walls and you just sit there pondering the irony in the fact that the thing that’s capable of annoying you the most is the thing that YOU created.
You get pinched repeatedly, your entire wardrobe has at some point been used as a tissue for a runny nose, and you’ve got bruises on your arms from trying to wrangle your baby to the floor in order to execute a diaper change. Yes, mothering sure does have some notable downfalls.
But it’s not all bad – that much I know for sure. Sometimes babies/toddlers/kids are little angels who gently caress your face when you’re tired. Sometimes they surprise you with the tightest, longest-lasting hug you’ve ever had. Sometimes they do shit that’s so hilarious that you laugh so hard you can’t catch your breath. Yup, having a kid can actually be cool. Need further proof? Yeah, after that intro I don’t blame you.
HAVING A BABY IS PRETTY SWEET BECAUSE:
- You have a visual reminder of the rate at which time is passing. Nothing more effectively forces you to get your ass in gear than that.
- You get to go to bed at 9pm without anyone questioning WTF is wrong with you. “Hey, want to come with me to the *insert cool brand here* TIFF party?” “No thanks, I have to be in bed by 9:00.” “K.”
- You get to go on really long walks to nowhere in particular… and long walks to nowhere in particular are actually pretty rad.
- You get to go on swings a lot (it’s entirely likely that if you’re not around small children very often, you’ve forgotten that SWINGS ARE THE BEST).
- You can wear stuff that looks a whole lot like pyjamas and nobody even bats an eye (Yes, I’m wearing a Kimono and Sneakers. Keep walkin’).
- You don’t need to wear makeup since a) neither you nor your baby give a shit if you have makeup on, and b) since you haven’t been wearing makeup, your skin actually looks amazing.
- You always have produce in the fridge, and it’s probably fancier than ever before.
- You get to spend a massive portion of your life wearing sunglasses (so your 24 pairs all get a little love!)
- Because strollers act a whole lot like walkers that help prop you up when you’re out in public (which is great because some days you fucking need the support).
- You get the privilege of loving something in a way that’s so honest and pure that you wouldn’t likely have believed it existed if you hadn’t experienced it first hand (Remember that one next time your baby pees on your freshly blowdried hair.)
Originally published in September, 2015
P.S. Here are some other preggo posts for ya: How to Produce a Badass Maternity Shoot, Trimester One: The Great Hormonal Takeover, Z as in Zika, The Mythical Horny Pregnant Lady, Don’t Piss off the Preggo.
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