A new, comprehensive, scientific study has just been released that proves that persons who sleep train their children and those who co-sleep with their children can both be equally good/loving/capable parents. In a shocking discovery, information has surfaced proving that every person has a unique set of circumstances that determine, on an individual basis, what is right for said person and his or her family.

For instance, a parent who is dealing with a third child, is likely to decide against letting their youngest infant “cry it out”, mainly in fear of fucking up the other children’s schedule which in turn fucks up EVERYTHING.

Another parent may be borderline unable to function without 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep; said parent is likely a much better parent when rested. This family may very well benefit from letting their baby cry for a couple nights in order to allow themselves a shot at a decent night’s sleep in the foreseeable future.

It seems that this “individuality” that differentiates one family from another, can also influence a mother’s feeding practices. It appears that there is more to breastfeeding than being able or unable to produce milk. It is possible that an infant could be tongue tied, or that a mother’s nipples are fully inverted. Evidently, major surgery (like a Cesarean, for example) can also have an effect on a woman’s ability and/or desire to nurse. These are just three of many scenarios that are as important as they are nobody’s business.

Still, shockwaves were sent through the scientific community when it was revealed that individualized, personal decisions (such as the above mentioned) do not, in fact, have any reason to be subject to the judgement of others.

While some believe that their opinions should be internalized by those with whom they share them, it seems that those individuals rarely account for circumstance – the thing about which they often know very little, but provides the context for that which they are judging.

Scientists hypothesize that if those who judge were to listen more than they spoke, they would lose the desire to judge at a rate far more rapid than they ever thought possible.

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The ‘facts’ appearing in this article were sourced solely from my own brain, which, in turn makes this a satirical piece.  If you did not gather that already, then best of luck to you – you’ll need it.

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Originally published on therebelmama.com July 2015
Featured Image: Kate Moss via @prototypevintage

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