WHAT IF FACEBOOK “MOMMY GROUPS” EXISTED IN THE 90’s?

For those of you who are not familiar with the concept, the Facebook “mommy-group” is the place where modern moms turn to ask their most pressing questions (is it normal that my kid hasn’t poo’d in 6 days??), to share funny memes (usually about either coffee or wine or both), to bitch about their husbands (could he BE any more useless?), to get dinner inspiration (what do I feed my gluten intolerant, vegan, vegetable-hating 1-year-old?), and often, to judge the shit out of eachother.  These groups, with all their quirks and flaws, have managed to become an essential pillar of 21st Century parenting – because really, what woman WOULDN’T want a group of hundreds (or even thousands) of fellow mamas to help set her mind at ease and assure her that she’s not totally screwing up this whole parenting gig?

So the other day I got to thinking – I wonder what kinds of things would have popped up in a Facebook Mom-Group if they existed in the 90’s? So I decided to let my already fairly ridiculous imagination run wild, and well, here’s what I came up with:

 
  
  

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While the women who raised their kids pre-internet were definitely lucky that they never had to deal with information overload, opinions galore and a constant stream of Pinterest-worthy birthday party photos (ENOUGH with that shit, already), I’m sure they would have been all over the FB Mommy Group.  And perhaps if they had access to one, some smartass, judgey, hippie mama would have informed our moms that Sunny Delight is actually fucking terrible for kids… but hey, we turned out alright, don’t you think?

28 Comments Add yours

  1. This is SO hilarious!

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  2. lyndasimmons says:

    I was an 80’s mom and while I never did the brandy-on-the-gums thing (something my mother swore by) I did put pablum in the formula, made the hole in the nipple bigger with a darning needle and fed it to my 8 week old in the hopes that she would frigging sleep! She’s now a mom and so far, no negative side effects. Cheers

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  3. Well, I was a 60’s mom (first one born in 1969), a 70’s mom, (that would be Josh, Patrick, and Conor) and an 80’s mom (that would be Alannah, born in 1982 and Fiona, born in 1985. Did I really do that? WIthout the Internet? And they all survived! Sort of. And they thrived. And yes, the Pablum in the bottle. And, OMG, I sometimes had a glass of wine while nursing. Well, not while actively nursing, but around supper-time. I didn’t carry my babies in hundred-dollar hand woven wraps, but used a second hand Snuggli, made of corduroy, that lived through seventeen years ans half a dozen kids. What I miss most, though, is the intergenerational loss of knowledge, When I ran into a problem, I could ask my mum, or my mother-in-law, who were wise in so many ways. My own daughters, would rather seek dubious information from like-minded (and often inexperienced) peers than to look back at what worked for mothers and grand-mothers and great-grand-mothers. And so I feel divorced from my own grand-children, as do many of my friends. And separated from my own daughters, not only by time and distance, but by technology. And all of my friends feel the same way. So, all of you Mommy-bloggers, you’ll never know just what you are missing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Beth Urban says:

      It is not out of disrespect that our generation (ones that have children now, I was born in 1983) doesn’t ask our MILs and mothers and grandmothers and such for advice, it is because childcare and child safety, feeding guidelines, car seat safety, etc. etc (I could go on and on) changes about every 5 years. Heck, every 2 years! It’s not that your kids are trying to shut you out of your grandkid’s lives or that they don’t want your help and love, it’s because….honestly, people that had children 20 to 30 or more years ago really do not have a leg to stand on with parenting advice because it is outdated. No offense meant.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. MG says:

        I disagree. I was born in 1984 and I think everything has gotten entirely out of hand. I wouldn’t have survived the first 3 months of motherhood without my MIL and mother. I think my generation is ridiculous, sanctimonious, and prides themselves on how much they can drive a new mother to suicide by browbeating them to death over things that ultimately are not any of their damn business and overblown fears. Pass the wine, cheers.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Mike says:

        Childcare and child safety does not change every 2 years – only the perceptions of parents on what they feel is appropriate change. Those are fads. Parenting fads are not fact, they are pseudoscientidic social trends.

        Children have been born and lived to adulthood for hundreds of thousands of years; not by magic, but through the same parental methods around the world.

        Do you want to know how to calm a child? I would bet that a neanderthal mother hiding in the bushes from a predator would have some great methods for hushing an infant. Your modern parenting website will have 59 opinions from 60 different people, each one claiming to know exactly what to do in your situation, and the first 20 you try won’t work at all.

        How much should the baby eat; when to introduce solid food; how to avoid diaper rash; whether to have the baby sleep in your bed and, if so, for how long; what to eat while pregnant; all of these are questions that can be easily answered by the unbroken chain of successful mothers, stretching back to the dawn of life on earth, of which you are part.

        The proof of expertise in that accumulated knowledge is you, alive and well.

        One specific example: in my grandmother’s day, pregnant women were encouraged to eat the greatest variety of food they could afford. Around 15-20 years ago, doctors recommended that pregnant women avoid foods that are common allergens, like nuts and shellfish. All of a sudden, children were being born with record numbers of allergies. And doctors now recommend that the diets of pregnant women include those known allergens.

        Simply put, it is ridiculously egotistical to dismiss the knowledge of every successful mother who has gone before you as outdated and useless.

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    2. Christina O. says:

      I simply have to reply that my daughters are also Alannah, born in 2004, and Fiona born in 2014. I found this really neat as both are fairly unique names.

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      1. Nicole says:

        Thank you! I was born in ’84 also, and I rely on my mother, older cousins with kids, and my aunt’s for good advice for pretty much anything I need! I once went on a mommy forum to ask about starting my kid on real food (she was 11 months old at the time; she’s almost 2 now), and one mom gave me the “make sure it’s all natural, no additives, gluten-free food or your kid will suffer” speech. When I told her, politely, that I was all about healthy eating but my child doesn’t have a gluten intolerance, she berated me and said gluten is bad for everyone. Seriously?! Asked my mom that night, and she said “start on some very soft veggies and go from there. You won’t know if she can handle a certain food until she tries it.” BAM! That’s all I wanted to know!

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    3. Jen says:

      Wow, I’ve never thought of how the internet has replaced me going to my mom for answers. Such a good point, and so sad.

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    4. The internet never replaced my mom & I KNOW she doesn’t feel divorced from her grandkids. I asked her input when I felt it was something of her domain & sought other sources when I thought it was likely outdated. I mean seriously – how can *she* relate to actually helping me through teething when her answer was paragoric? She can’t. Because *I* can’t do *that*. She can’t help me find the carseat that fits 3 across is a 4 door car because I rode in a laundry basket & she can’t advise me on vaccines because when I was born there were only like 4 suggested, often given separately & with far fewer boosters.

      So I get the sentiment, but the fact *is* that today *is* different. For many generations the way humans did things was very similar. We would rely on our mothers to teach us how to knit, crochet & sew because these were valuable skills we we would need. Girls were also taught how to can & other things that would be “needed” as a wife & mom. While *I* still love such hobbies, I recognize I could live a very happy fulfilled life, without ever being in any want, if I had never learned them. This isn’t true 100 yrs ago even. You had to know how to darn a sock, because things were pricey & you couldn’t afford to replace every tear or hole. Most women knew how to can, so they could grow veggies all summer & feed their family all winter.

      So it’s not just the internet that has made distance. It’s many things. I don’t feel divorced for any of my female elders, but we get together to do large sewing projects (like making all the dresses for a wedding) or to do canning every fall – we gather several times at different homes & can together. There are plenty of ways to bond that don’t include baby advice…and my mom stops by my house nearly every single day to say hi…sometimes my dad too. I parent very differently than they do in many ways, everything from babies on up to teen. She doesn’t take it as a personal affront. She gets it that *I* am not like her. I am not. She does appreciate me for who I *am* though & I think that is *why* we are so close. I don’t need to do things like she did so she can feel like she is okay in my book. My parenting choices are NOT a commentary on my parents. They are simply what works for me with my own marriage & family. That is all. No need to take it personally.

      The only moms I know who avoid their own mom or mother in law do so because they are tired of feeling undermined or questioned over every choice they make & mocked with “you turned out fine” instead of respected that they are allowed to do things their own way. I’ve been blessed that my mother & my mother in law somehow already understood this & have never made me feel like I had to defend what I chose or made it out like it was “silly” the way I have seen other grammas act. I’ve watched grandparents wait until mom walks out of the room & hand the child the cookie mom just said no to. :S

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    5. cierra says:

      Well do you make fun of her questions or parenting style? Its honestly why I did not ask my grandmother much and my mom learned rather quickly, that being said she helped a lot. But anyway, nothing wrong with a little wine while nursing, my mom actually tried to tell me it was horrendous but the NEW research proves otherwise so no, old ways isn’t always right!

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    6. Cassandra says:

      Not really. I go to my mom as well as doing my own research on whatever the issue is. I do not go to my MIL because I do not agree with her style of parenting. When she told me to leave my 2 week old in his crib to cry I decided right then and there that her and I would not be able to agree on rasing children. She also doesn’t watch my kids after she did things I specifically asked her not to because I am the “crazy” one. I had bottles of expressed breastmilk for my child for her to give. She went out and bought formula and gave him those because it was “better”. No, not ok to do at all. So she no longer is allowed to watch my kids.

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  4. dee says:

    Ha…so funny but this is definitely 80’s…stirrup pants…indeed! And at least you were nursing -Wendy m. Ricard. Maybe you should start a grandma blog for mommies who need some good old fashioned wisdom…maybe you can marry back in through technology and feed the masses even if your own children now prefer “fb.formula”

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  5. ariel says:

    This is funny! And quite accurate.

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  6. A grouchy old hag says:

    If these moms were really in the 90s they wouldn’t use stupid acronyms for everything and they would actually spell words out. Not sure how technology has made it easier than ever to spell out whole words but people refuse. It won’t be long before entire sentences will be nothing but acronyms leaving people even more confused than they currently are.

    Not sure if people are just getting too lazy or too stupid?

    P.s. your “mommy groups” are ridiculous. Get some real friends, call them on the phone. Call your mother. Call an aunt. Don’t go on some garbage Facebook page and get advice from strangers that are probably just as clueless as you are or complain about how your husband is sooo worthless. If he is that bad maybe you should spend the time talking to him about how you feel instead of pissing and moaning to strangers.

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  7. AnInternetSavvy90smom says:

    So, I guess you guys have no clue that parents of the 90s did have these? They were called AOL Chat Rooms, Onelist, other ListServs, ICQ, . Umm before even Windows 95 came out, we had these on AOL. We would spend hours chatting up a lot of the same stuff that they are chatting up now. The internet existed prior to facebook. I definitely think you are thinking of 80s moms.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Daydreams says:

    The Mom Jeans! I cannot stop laughing!

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  9. Reblogged this on The Urban Daddy and commented:
    Hilarious!

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  10. Kristo says:

    I see a lot of judging here too.

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  11. ACampagnoni says:

    I have 3 girls. A 17 year old , 3 and 10 months… so i was a mom in the 90’s and a new mom again…

    I joined a few mommy groups this time around. I didn’t ask a lot of questions but ended up leaving a bunch because of how terrible some women were to others…

    I always listen to my mom however even she admits that when she had us doctors discouraged breast feeding (which she regrets ) formula came out when I was born but my older sister got can milk with honey….also encouraged by her doctor…. so no generation really gets it right or wrong…we do our best. Take the lessons we can and figure out what works… when we grew up or our kids grow up the therapist will always blame the mom anyhow….Lol…so good luck!

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  12. Katie says:

    Never would have happened because women actually had lives back then instead of having their heads lodged up their kids asses.

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