The Internet, while totally amazing in many ways (here’s lookin’ at you, NETFLIX), can also quickly become a force of evil… especially once you become a parent. While you always open your browser with the purest of intentions, it’s inevitable that every now and again, the Internet will lash back at you with an unexpectedly strong blow – scrambling your brain like an egg and forcing you to retreat and reconsider every decision you have ever made in life. Here are a few of those unfortunate scenarios:
1. When your kid got a minor rash so you Googled “infant skin rash” and accidentally hit the “Images” tab. *shudder*
2. When you started researching the cost of daycare and your most recent FarFetch search items kept popping up in the sidebar, as if to mockingly say “AH HA! You’ll NEVER afford me now!”
3. When your friend posted an article about how French kids eat blue cheese and frois gras and as you read it, your own child was in the middle of refusing to eat his stupid dino-shaped chicken fingers.
4. When you decided to Google all the possible harmful effects of The Ferber Method… While letting your kid cry it out for the first time.
5. When you overdosed on #momguilt on your first day back at work because you spent your entire lunch hour looking through your baby’s “Welcome to the World!!” FB photo album.
6. The night you discovered Elena Perminova’s Instagram feed. (refer back to featured image…)
7. When your Facebook memory from 5 years ago reminds you of just how cool (and remarkably put together) you USED to be.
8. That time you committed to making your own granola ‘cause it looked so good on that blog… but then you were like – fuck it and went to Loblaws instead.
9. When being in a Facebook Mommy Group made you realize that if you owned stock in Probiotics and Coconut Oil, you’d be a goddamn billionaire.
10. When you had 5 free minutes so you turned to Pinterest to feel inspired, only to leave with your eyes so far rolled back into your head it was almost an emergency. (Seriously, STOP making Big Bird shaped cookies already!)
11. When you Googled “baby CPR” for a quick refresher, and instead landed on some horrifying choking story that kept you up for the next 3 nights in a row
12. The night you Googled “marijuana use and breast milk” and got totally put to shame by the entire Internet for even considering it. *Cue clearing of history*.
13. When you somehow wound up balls deep in Aussie baby-mama Instagram feeds that left you feeling like you were in desperate need of a coconut detox, a beach, and surfer husband.
14. That time when you were 41 weeks pregnant and somehow wound up binge-watch birthing videos on YouTube until 2am…
If any of the above has ever happened to you, my condolences. BUT, I’m sure you’ll agree that the Internet does have an uncanny ability to redeem itself pretty quickly… *Enter online shopping and videos of cats reacting to cucumbers*.
Featured image: Elena Perminova via Vogue Russia – 38 weeks pregnany vs 60 days postpartum