The Internet, while admittedly amazing in a lot of ways (here’s lookin’ at you, NETFLIX), can also very quickly morph into a force of evil… especially once you become a parent. While we always open our browsers with the purest of intentions (riiiiight?), it’s inevitable that every now and again, the Internet will lash back with an unexpectedly strong blow.
• Like that time your kid got a minor rash, so you Googled “infant skin rash” and accidentally hit the “Images” tab. *shudder*
• When you started researching the cost of daycare and your most recent FarFetch search items kept popping up in the sidebar, as if to mockingly say “AH HA! You’ll NEVER afford me now!”
• When your friend posted an article about how French kids eat blue cheese and frois gras and as you read it, your own child was in the middle of refusing his French toast because it was cut into squares instead of lines. *the irony*
• When you decided to Google all the possible harmful effects of The Ferber Method… While letting your kid cry it out for the first time.
• When you overdosed on #momguilt on your first day back at work because you spent your entire lunch hour looking through your baby’s “Welcome to the World!!” FB photo album.
• The night you discovered Elena Perminova’s Instagram feed. (refer back to featured image…)
• When your Facebook memory from 5 years ago reminds you of just how cool (and remarkably put together) you used to be.
• The moment when being in a Facebook Mommy Group made you realize that if you owned stock in Probiotics and Coconut Oil, you’d be a goddamn billionaire.
• When you had 5 free minutes so you turned to Pinterest to feel inspired, only to leave with your eyes so far rolled back into your head it was almost an emergency. (Seriously, STOP making Big Bird shaped cookies already!)
• When you Googled “baby CPR” for a quick refresher, and instead landed on some horrifying choking story that kept you up for the next four nights in a row.
• The night you Googled “marijuana use and breast milk” and got totally put to shame by the entire Internet for even considering it.
• When you somehow wound up balls deep in Aussie baby-mama Instagram feeds that left you feeling like you were in desperate need of a coconut detox, a beach, and surfer husband.
• That time when you were 41 weeks pregnant and somehow wound up binge-watch birthing videos on YouTube until 2am…
If any of the above has ever happened to you, then we extend our condolences. BUT, I’m sure you’ll agree that the Internet does have an uncanny ability to redeem itself pretty quickly… *Enter online shopping and videos of cats reacting to cucumbers*.
Featured image: Elena Perminova via Vogue Russia – 38 weeks pregnany vs 60 days postpartum