Experiencing feelings like the ones you’re are about to encounter in this post is completely normal.
Feelings like these are WHY we created the Rebel Mama community in the first place – a safe haven to open up and be raw with one another; a place of refuge where you can always count on comfort.
Motherhood ain’t easy. Literally from the moment you get knocked up, until forever. So don’t waste time feeling shitty about feeling shitty. You’re allowed to have low days and we’d like to remind you that when you do, you are surrounded by a community of women who have your back, pretty much 24/7 (as no-one around here actually sleeps).
The only piece of parenting advice we can confidently give you preggos is this: Share your truth with your mom tribe, and lean on them for strength.
We promise, you will find your stride and rock the shit out of motherhood no matter what. You got this, mama.
I’m desperately scrounging through fluffy-worded blog posts I’ve Googled to find someone in the world who feels the way I do right now because I’m feeling incredibly alone. But I can’t relate to anything I am reading here. The rhymey, bubbly, sing-song captions below cute Instagram-worthy pictures of husbands and bumps and expensive maternity dresses aren’t speaking to my experience here.
I am 9.5 weeks pregnant with a partner I have been with for less than 4 months. I am tired and sick. My head/neck/back/shoulders aches. I didn’t sleep last night, and I have this sniffly pressure in my sinuses that has been persistent for weeks and makes me feel like the only place I’m gaining weight is my head.
Food disgusts me and I have zero appetite (especially for protein) but I feel so guilty when I don’t eat because I know there is a little baby in me that needs nourishment to grow. My prenatal vitamins make me instantly vomit, regardless of what combination of foods I eat, or careful timing I try to manage, so I stopped taking them. I wasn’t digesting them anyways!
I am constantly out of breath. Like fucking constantly. I am out of breath typing this shit. My hormones are insane and I literally cry constantly and I feel like a crazy person. But all of this isn’t the worst of it.
I am terrified.
I am terrified I am just not strong enough to do this. And if I’m feeling this now, how am I going to handle the rest of pregnancy? Labour? Deliver? MOTHERHOOD???
I am terrified of losing this baby due to my past miscarriage, but I’m terrified to have it as well.
I am terrified my new partner I’m just getting to know is going to leave, or that we are really wrong for each other.
I am terrified that me not being grateful for this pregnancy at all times is dooming my relationship with this little baby that I really want to be able to connect with.
I am grateful and I love this little surprise baby already. I want this little life, but I’m really really scared. I sound like huge whiner… but hey – that’s where I’m at right now. I’m whiney and tired and fucking scared.
I have moments of faith, and the mothers in my life keep telling me it gets better so I’m trying to hold onto that.
I have tried to explain where I’m at, to which I have gotten well meaning responses like “Mind over matter,” or “No, I didn’t experience any of that”.
Someone please just tell me they know what I’m going through, ‘cuz I’m feeling like the shittiest mom ever and I have hardly even begun. Just looking for a little love and support in a low moment.
And of course, we have compiled some of our favorite empowering and inspiring responses below, because we feel like maybe, just maybe, you need to hear them too. Isn’t sisterhood a beautiful thing?! All the feels.
This is the bravest thing I’ve ever seen. And you CAN do it. You are not a shitty mom, you are a human in a new strange experience. Hormones can certainly be the devil; you can do this.
Can’t tell you how spot on this whole post is. It’s exactly what pregnancy is. Parenting is 50% making constant choices 50% worrying that the choices you made are wrong.
Our children are beautiful and give us a view into the world that we forgot when we grew up. But it is life. Beautiful and hard. You will get through it, your worries are a guarantee of your love.
I got pregnant very early with someone I barely knew. It was about a month into our relationship when we found out. I was 27 and scared fucking shitless. I thought about terminating the pregnancy because hormones were going wild and I thought I was crazy for doing this with someone I barely knew. Today my daughter turned 3 and I married that man. If you want to talk more or need to vent, shoot me a message.
Remember that our Instagram photos are the highlight reel. All relationships have their challenges, new or old!
Thank you so much for sharing this! It is so normal to feel this way. My partner and I tried for a year to get pregnant and when we did I was exhausted and scared and sick and felt like shit. I felt so guilty for not be happy and glowing all the time. I think the more we share these types of experiences the more women will know it’s totally normal and they’re not alone!
The thought of the future is scary but as those moments arrive, you realize there was nothing to be scared of. I had all the same thoughts and doubts and you realize once you meet your baby, how that little person growing inside of you is worth it. That’s pretty much what happens when you become a mom: it trumps all life events. There will be mistakes made , but forgive yourself, try to do better and move on. Have faith! Sending you positive vibes!
Pregnancy is fucking indeed crazy and full of ups, downs, and love and hate and everyone’s experience is very very different but one thing that I know to be true is you are NOT alone! Just take the good, bad, and ugly one day at a time because although it’s crazy and scary it is also miraculous! Keep sharing, keep venting, and keep trusting. xo
I’ve always had troubles with hormones and all of my pregnancies are shit, I get all the crazy thoughts you can think of. The scary ones I can’t even bear to say out loud to anyone.
You are strong, you’re a woman! Motherhood isn’t floral arrangements and sleeping babies. It’s tough and it takes grit but the universe wouldn’t give you anything you can’t handle. You will be a fantastic mum and will be amazed at how great you will be. Take things one day at a time, breathe, and do whatever you need to do in the moment to take care of your mind and well being. You. Got. This!
Well, I did the conventional. I got married, then pregnant. I had a breezy pregnancy. Aside from a ‘dramatic entrance’ all would seemingly be quite ‘perfect’. Not what you want to hear maybe? Wait for it. Even when you plan for everything, have contingency plans, charts, graphs and skip the life fantastic, you are human, fallible. Doing this totally scary and amazing thing for the first time. NOTHING can prepare you for the whirlwind of parenting. Six years later, a pretty shitty divorce and an absentee Dad (going at it 100% alone) and I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t sleep much now (good thing babies train you for this) worrying about it all…but I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing. You’ll get through this and then that baby will smile or fart and life will be just fine. Partner, no partner, plan or no plan. Turn to these inspiring women every day and remember you are NOT ALONE. Hugs.
Being pregnant after having a miscarriage is a mind-fuck! You want to be excited, but you try to prepare yourself for the worst. It’s a mixed bag of shit emotions, that unfortunately do not go away. Up until our daughter was born, I was worried that every stomach gurgle, every random, weird pain, meant something was wrong. And once they are born it is a whole other set of worries. But, it does get better. And they are little wonders. The first time they smile at you, you’ll cry from pure happiness. I can’t imagine dealing with that issue and also feeling so shitty in the first trimester, and doing this with someone you barely know. Stay strong. Vent here any time you need. xoxox
I was a mix of emotion… bed ridden sick for 10 weeks wanting to give up. Praying each night to God to give me some relief of this. Then my daughter arrived. She filled my heart like no other. All those sad days were gone and forgotten. Now I only cry when I look at her beautiful face. Happy tears. You got this Mama. Trust me. We all did it and got through it.
Rebel On, Ladies.
Featured Image by Jason Hetherington