SH*T HAPPENS: A SOLID LIST OF MAMA MISHAPS

If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that mama mishaps literally happen to everyone and that’s because (here to remind you once again) mothers are human and as much as we may try, we are not perfect.

A couple weeks ago, I smashed my son’s tiny hand by way of the car door (full slamming closure) and basically felt like I amputated his arm for the remainder of the day, even though he recovered within an hour. Just recalling his black and blue, dented fingers still breaks my heart and makes me feel like a supreme asshole.

Almost nothing sucks more than when you accidentally hurt the same little person you spend your life protecting from harm. But shit happens and accidents are just that – NON-INTENTIONAL.

As crappy as you may initially feel, resist the temptation to endlessly dwell on the incident as it won’t change a GD thing. They are legit made of rubber for this purpose, and can walk away unscathed from more than we can imagine. Besides, they likely will never remember these little mishaps so shhhhhh.

In the spirit of making you feel better – and not like a terrible, horrible, irresponsible mom – we’re here to share a few stories from our candid community as a reminder that we are all, in fact, navigating this shit storm together. Cut yourself some slack, girl. We’ve all dropped (or come close to dropping) a baby.

So read on and move on sister, there will be better days.

xx

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AND NOW, A FEW STORIES:

I missed the last step coming down the stairs while carrying my then-9 month old. I went down hard and dropped her on her face. Worst. Day. Ever.

I dropped my phone on my daughters head literally hours after she was born.

When opening the little Einstein playmate ,the piece that goes over the mat swung out of my hands and gave my then 3 week old baby a paper cut – but more like a slice on her ear. We both cried and we both survived.

Yesterday while feeding my 2.5yr old at our kitchen island, I thought I should adjust the bar stool (with back) while I was sitting next to him. I lifted the lever and “woosh”…. it went flying up and pinned his thighs against the island. I quickly lowered it as he screamed. He then proceeded to tell my husband that, “Mama squish me and gave me boo-boo” #momfail

Bub fell out of his highchair at 9 months because I didn’t strap him in properly. He cut his lip and gums and there was blood EVERYWHERE.

When babe was a toddler she drank the world’s smallest amount of paint thinner when I wasn’t looking and I basically waterboarded her upside down in the kitchen sink in a moment of poison fearing panic.

I smushed my daughters fingers pushing the high chair in towards the table, and zipped the same daughter’s belly when doing up a sleeper.

I thought it was cute that while learning to walk my son started running around pushing a wooden stool. Until said wooden stool got stuck on something and my little guy face planted into it so hard he chipped his front tooth. There are now two little teeth marks on the stool too…

We used to let our son jump up and down in his crib until one day he conked his teeth down on the wooden rail and two baby teeth fell out later. His teeth marks are still there.

Bonked my daughters head on the door frame this weekend while carrying her in a carrier on my back. Felt like the biggest asshole.

Right around the time my daughter started rolling over, both my husband and I were on the couch with her and “just took her eyes off her for a second” when she rolled off. Luckily, no harm no foul, but man did we feel awful.

I closed the car window on my daughters fingers by accident when she was about 3. She’s 6 now and still tells people in the car to, “be careful, my mom closes peoples fingers in the window!”

I was trimming my 6-month-old son’s nails and the nail clippers were really shitty and not clipping very well, so I pressed really really hard like three times in a row…. then realized the metal part was actually on the tip of his finger. About a ten-second delay later he starts screaming a scream I have never heard before and I’m fully in tears as the blood starts flowing. I basically cut parentheses into his skin. Thank god it didn’t remove any chunks or anything, but I cried for at least an hour.

I was pushing my 3-year-old daughter in her stroller this summer, letting her stand up in it and face me because we were chatting and it was nice. I wasn’t paying attention and the front wheel snagged on a weird curb jut and she went flying out, landed on her face then flipped over backward onto her back. From her head. I was terrified she broke her neck but just had an entire face full of road rash. Bloody nose, bloody lips, bloody gums. It was rough, I felt terrible for letting her stand up.

When my oldest was only 15 months or so, he kept waddling into the kitchen for attention and getting close to the (on and cooking dinner) oven. I was getting so annoyed. At one point I had my oven mitt on and when he came so close again, I snapped and grabbed his arm and said “NO!! GOOOO!!” and he screamed murder at me and went away crying….. I thought nothing of it really. The next day while I was nursing him for bedtime I saw a substantial blister burn on his upper arm and bawled and bawled and bawled, realizing I grabbed him right after I was handling the 425 degree pan in the oven. And now I’m crying again.

On Christmas Day, my daughter just turned two and we were eating fish. Turns out it had bones and a fish bone got lodged in her tonsil. She started coughing so hard she started to puke and then started puking blood. We spent 12 hours in emerg and were transferred to a second hospital after going through a torture chamber of an x Ray then they had to sedate her and finally take it out. I felt so awful … even till this day. She’s now 4. Luckily they’re still pretty little even at 5 and will likely not remember much.

I gave my daughter a black eye while vacuuming when she was about 18 months old. She was playing with Daddy on the other side of the room and I was vacuuming away and then bam she was behind me just as I pulled back the vaccum.

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See? Shit happens. And it doesn’t just happen to you. 😉

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