DECODING MOMMY FORUM B.S.

I think all of us can recall the first time we found ourselves on a mommy forum. Did it not feel like  you’d entered an alternate universe where people talked about poop in code? DH, DD, LO, WTF ARE THESE WOMEN TALKING ABOUT?? I guess the logic is that by abbreviating EVERYTHING, you’re saving time. I…

REBEL MAMA REAL TALK PART FIVE

All the media we’ve garnered lately with our Handbook for (Cool) Moms has required us to explain what a “Rebel Mama” is – a lot. Normally we’ll launch into the elevator pitch, rife with phrases like: a woman who is unapologetically herself, one who doesn’t let society define who she is once she becomes a…

10 THINGS I’D RATHER DO THAN PLAY

I came across this article the other day about the importance of playing with our kids, even if we hate it. The author cites enjoying playing with her kids 90% of the time, and imagining a slow death the other 10%. I call bullshit. More like 40 / 60 if you wanna be real. I…

FILTHY TURKEY

I’ve had the same best friends since grade 9.  The three of us have maintained a tight bond; following one another through high school and university and now living within an hour of one another.  It’s a tight little family we have created with love and determination. One thing I have been lucky to learn…

SIGNS YOU’RE A #BOYMOM

YES, gender equality and all the feminism in the world. YES, to not leading them straight to the superhero section at Walmart. YES, to letting them decide what interests them. YES, to not telling our sons that being tough makes them a man. But lets step away from the revolutionary rants for a second (as…

THE TOP TEN PARENTING QUOTES BY REBELLIOUS WOMEN

“Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa, you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep!’” – JOAN RIVERS “The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our…

10 REASONS WHY MOMS HATE THE HOLIDAYS

Moms don’t hate the holidays ALL the time; we just hate the holidays most of the time. Why? Because malls. Mall parking lots. Mall food. Mall people. Because none of our clothes fit right now (because wine and because carbs). Because accidental holiday party drunkenness keeps resulting in pumping and goddamn dumping. Because we’ve blown…

MISSED CONNECTIONS

We were at the mom’s group in the junction. You were a plump red head with curly hair and pale skin. You were nursing your toddler with confidence and ease. I was an equally plump brunette with frizzy hair, running mascara, and lipstick on my teeth. I had baby vomit on my pilled black cotton…

REBEL MAMA REAL TALK PT.4

Us mamas deal with a lot of bullshit – that much we know is true. And if there’s one thing that helps us get through it all (pseudo) alive, it’s a kick ass sense of humour (and coffee, ok and wine, alright and sometimes a Belmont or two). But through unfiltered sarcasm, wit and laughter,…

WHAT MOM COLD?

Ladies, I would like to explore a severely undervalued skill that mothers have been secretly-not-so-secretly toting since babies were a thing, so basically, forever: working the mom cold.   Having been fully immersed in said phenomena for approximately 3 glorious weeks, I thought, ‘hmmm, this pattern looks awfully familiar….perhaps mom colds are actually a thing!’…

FOUND: A CURE FOR VAGINAL DRYNESS

“What surprised me most about this study was how surprised my male colleagues were with the findings,” claims Dr. Wright – the ‘whistle-blower’ who is being hailed by women the world over as The One Who Told Men Everywhere What We’ve Known Since The Beginning of Time. “My hypothesis was simple,” claims the sole female…