Two and a half years ago, I shared with you SHIT MY TODDLER SAYS – and it was entertaining to say the least.

Fast forward another 2 years and now my very sassy 4.5 year old has a big opinion about literally everything and frequently offers unsolicited insight and/or too much information.

As “they” will tell you – there is the terrible twos, followed by the threenager, and then a stage endearingly referred to as the “fuck you fours”. This is when your newly school aged kid thinks they know better and are in fact smarter than you (and everyone else). This also makes these tiny humans funnier than shit and is the reason I have been jotting down my sons random words of wisdom for your reading pleasure.

Also to have this as a reference forever.


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Mama, you’re giving me a hard time. Seriously.

You should let me drink coffee.

I have so much drama all the time.

Baba (Daddy) – You’re so forgettable.

Mama, you’re so cozy. Your boobs are good pillows.

Am I in a coalition?

Why should I wake up if I don’t want to?

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*whispering into ear *
Listen, I want Spiderman at my birthday ok ?

Who’s the illustrator of this book? Find out.

This does not make me happy. Try again.

I’m the boss of this party.

I want to write emails. Let me write some emails.
*while pulling laptop over*

This poo will be huge. I’m gonna push out all the fries.

Ouuuu you’re going to dinner? Sounds borinnnng.

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I only like dark chocolate. Hello.

Is Daddy scamming us?
*after said father said no to something*

That’s not even a real candle.
*points to the faux candle at the restaurant hostess desk*

Is this pizza from a restaurant or from a box?

Drake’s real name is Aubrey? That makes no sense.

I’m going to pound this entire pizza.

I had a dream about zombies and vampires but it’s ok you were there and you had a light saber and you put it through them all. (ok cool…. )

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Does everyone have nipples?
YUP. Everyone does.


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