TEN TIMES I WANTED BABY JESUS TO TAKE ME AWAY: A BAPTISM STORY

To each his own is what I always say – so before anyone bible thumps me over the head, this is not an attack on religion. You do you.

We, as a family, happen not to subscribe to the church but happily embrace our dear friends’ traditions when invited to do so. Let me tell you though, these baptisms (and the lavish meals that succeed them) are gong shows. Expensive gong shows.

* Props to the Greeks and Italians who do this every weekend.

So here’s some comic relief for the mamas that have been there. That know the feeling of sore feet due to parenting in sky-high heels, and casually taking up smoking cigarettes in restaurant alleyways for no other reason than escaping the madness.

The silver lining? At least there’s always wine. Just the way Jesus would have intended.

Bless.

x

10 Times I wanted Baby Jesus to Take Me Away 

1. When my kid instigated a game of tag in the church pew.

2. When I had to get up 650 times from dinner to make sure the latest explosion at the kids table wasn’t life threatening.

3. The 45 times I heard “MOMMMMYYY” from across the room, not sure if it was directed at me. We all have the same name.

4. When the kids dug into the loot bags BEFORE dinner and consumed jars full of jujubes without puking. Bravo.

5. When my son was stuck to the floor by his new shoes because … Play Doh.

6. The 300 times the kids tried to escape through the front door of the restaurant and run into oncoming traffic like rabid animals.

7. When my kid’s Captain America action figure got snagged by a mini-thief, resulting in devastation, heartbreak, and tears.

8. The entire walk to the parking lot, hauling 35 lbs of moody human on my hip while  balancing on the stilettos I probably shouldn’t have worn in the first place.

9. The speeding ticket that came after a masterful peel-out towards freedom. (For real though, 45 km/hr on the Bloor Bridge? Please. That ticket is still B.S.)

10. The 2-minute pseudo meal I had to prepare when I got home because *shocker* my kid was starving.

***

Featured Image: Lara Stone by Cedric Buchet, Vogue Paris 2009

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