Hey remember that time you bought two different kinds of baby carriers, and then your baby was born and didn’t actually like being IN a baby carrier? Ever? Yeah that was me.
How about that time you registered for those super adorable glass bottles at the boutique baby store, and then found yourself running out to Toys ‘R Us in desperate need of Tommee Tippie’s? Also me.
As usual, our RM community is full of inspiration for us and recently, the ladies unleashed all the things they wish they hadn’t bought in preparation for their new baby because *GASP* they didn’t NEED it.
The baby care industry alone, allots for about 35 billion in annual sales world-wide, with North America and Europe unsurprisingly dominating the market. That’s not including toys and clothes. Let’s take moment to think about that.
What happens to all those unused, unneeded “things” … you try to re-sell them, give them away, toss them out. WASTE WASTE WASTE.
So, I decided to compile a list of stuff you probably won’t need (or can wait until you actually meet your spawn and can test some shit out on them) and the short list of things you might. There is stuff worth spending on, and a whole lotta stuff you can omit entirely and replace with something lovely for yourself from the Tom Ford beauty counter.
Feel free to pass this on to the soon-to-be mama’s, crazy aunts, doting grandparents and childless friends who believe that every child needs an organic $25 teether in the shape of the Eiffel Tower, when all your kid will do is chew on a bunch of straws.
What else would you add to the list?
|SHIT YOU DON’T NEED||SHIT YOU DO NEED|
|30 cotton swaddle blankets.||3 cotton swaddle blankets.|
|2 different kinds of snot suckers.||1 snot sucker. whichever one. it’s boogers.|
|super cute diapers with hipstery patterns that you can only order online.||diapers on sale, all of them.|
|beautifully packaged organic lavender butt creams.||butt cloths and coconut oil. keep it dry and you’re good.|
|a baby monitor that also oversees heart rate and breathing patterns.||a portable monitor with a decent camera. you will hear them.|
|a one of a kind, hand-crafted lovey.||an easily replaceable lovey that’s always in stock on Amazon. they will lose it.|
|maternity clothes. *exception: office mama’s.||oversized, boho tops and a bump band so you can just unzip your jeans thanksgiving style.|
|pink hair clips and headbands as proof that you have a daughter.||the courage not to give a shit.|
|20 “best selling” baby books.||your mom, your mom friends, your gut.|
|a stack of quotable onesies every time you walk by an indigo store.||a bunch of basic onesies. people WILL overstock you in novelty items. wait ’til the dust settles.|
|the wrong breastfeeding pillow.||meet the baby and see what kind of support it likes and needs.|
|a pricey diaper bag with all the bells and whistles.||a black nylon bag with a few compartments, that you can later reuse as a gym or travel bag.|
|infant shoes.||infant socks.|
|a $400 skandinavian high chair.||a $69 ikea high chair.|
|a $120 colourful, ABC play mat.||a $30, black and white gym mat from walmart.|
|a cheap, flingy playpen that’s hard to open and is garbage after a year.||a bomb ass 4MOMS playpen that you will use for 4 yrs.|
|a picturesque restoration hardware bassinet.||the bassinet that comes witht the 4MOMS playpen.|
|a designer car seat that’s worth an actual car payment.||any $150 carseat. they’re all safe, hence the regulations.|
|nursing clothes.||can you pull your tit out of it? it’s a nursing top.|
|a cool new baby outfit every time the zara app prompts you.||hand me downs that make your soul (and the earth) happy.|
|a jolly jumper.||the desire to exercise your arms.|
|a million toys and stuffed animals.||gift cards to baby stores, grocery stores, the spa and the LCBO.|
|a baby wipe warmer.||do you really wanna start that habit?|
|a diaper genie.||a pail and bags. take out every day. it’s less disgusting.|
|a vibrating UFO chair with a shitty lullaby and a hanging family of bees.||a baby bjorn. it’ll last and its aesthetic won’t fuck your home.|
|a $1000 walnut crib from the UK (guilty).||an ikea crib that LEGIT does the same job.|
|the complete fisher price city set with roads, cars, stoplights and emergency sound effects.||open access to the tupperwear drawer.|
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Featured Image: Kate Moss by Tim Walker, Vogue 2012
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